open post

[solaran]

Comments

[somatosensory]

I'm still asking.

[solaran]

plenty of people are lonely.
it's no reason to erase yourself.

[somatosensory]

Why are you so sure that's what happens?

[solaran]

if i have droplets of sweat on my face and i splash water on it, what happens to the sweat?

[somatosensory]

You're more like the skin.
The only thing that changes is you have a little less water on your face.

[solaran]

i don't believe you.
i can hear you, you know.
your thoughts in my head.
others too but yours sound different.

[somatosensory]

( he's about to point of that that puts paid to what she's been saying, but then she mentions his voice in her head and he stops. pauses to reassess. )

How?

( curious rather than flat denial. because that shouldn't be possible. not yet, anyway. )

[solaran]

i only noticed after i left the clan
not sure if i heard them too or if it's because it's quiet
i can't help listening
can't turn it off
and your thoughts sound like ...
fuller
you know the way leather drums sort of echo?

[somatosensory]

So that's how you've been giving me the slip.

( fuck. fuck. fuck. )

[solaran]

surprise

[somatosensory]

How long?

[solaran]

i told you
since i left my clan

[ she takes this to mean 'how long have you been able to do this' ]

[somatosensory]

( fuck. but, also — ) That can't be possible.
That kind of power.
It comes out early if it comes out at all.

[solaran]

i guess you don't know everything

[ it's possible, she admits, that she'd been this way before. that it had just felt so normal that she hadn't thought anything of it, and isolation had only made those voices louder and more jarring to her. she'd grown more sensitive without the constant chorus. but she can't say for sure. the memories of childhood are too fuzzy, full of holes. ]

[somatosensory]

I know enough.

( bristling a little at the implication. he exhales through the frustration, though, shaking his head as if to clear it. )

I'm surprised they let you go, your people.
Even the most backwards clans know the value of people who can do that.

[solaran]

my people weren't backwards.
they were civilized enough to know better than to speak ill of the dead.

[somatosensory]

They cast you out, didn't they?

( excuse him if he doesn't weep at their loss. )

[solaran]

what does that have to do with this?

[somatosensory]

That anyone that throws you out like garbage doesn't deserve your sympathy.

[solaran]

that's not what happened.

[ she won't let herself think of it that way, even as memories resurface. new ones. stings of disgust and pity when people looked at her. she'd always been dirt underfoot, when she'd lived in kuruko land. hadn't she? ]

[somatosensory]

Explain it to me, then.

( because he really doesn't get it, this enduring loyalty. she hadn't been in the camp. hadn't been near enough to get a real sense of her until they'd blundered right into each other hours later. )

[solaran]

they tried to protect themselves from the likes of you.

[somatosensory]

At your expense.

They'd have handed you over to us given half the chance. Probably without much persuasion.

[solaran]

to protect the clan.
if kossos weren't devouring its neighbors they would have had nothing to fear.
it's your fault i couldn't stay with them.

[somatosensory]

To protect themselves.

See that's the difference between my people and yours.
My people don't abandon their own. No matter how bad it gets.