i haven't been able to stop listening. i don't know if it was like that before and i just didn't notice or thought it was normal or something. but since i've been on my own, whenever i'm with someone, i can't stop from hearing them in my head.
do you listen to me CAN you listen to me ive never tried it i dont think maybe i think im always too in my own head right maybe im blocking it out??? like subconsciously that probably takes energy too
im not good at the mental stuff i mostly just cause accidents so
im so sorry lol its ok i get it i just don't even wanna hear me
do u think it'd be easier like if we went to kossos i dont wanna not be me but i get SO tired theres gotta be a line right of if u cause too many problems they take you anyway?
yeah thats what i've been doing i'll run away to a new place & then everything's fine until it's not i'll hurt someone or blow something up or burn something down sometimes all three & then it's time to leave
thats why i dunno if like if i dont go with him what's gonna happen next time u know if i'm a problem or a PROBLEM
so what then we gotta find someone who a: has furor b: not a worker bee c: doesnt hate themselves enough to want to toss themselves in a well
idk if we'll find someone like that bc someone like that doesn't WANT to be found probably i wouldnt they're probably living a sweet life out in some ruins eating idk peaches
[ that is fair. or else darcy would be, as they say, "living a sweet life in the ruins (eating peaches)." ]
yeah ur right well aristotle said they practiced on each other at kossos school but i wouldnt trust myself to do that to anyone & ur the first friend ive had in forever so
not that i dont think ur like perfectly capable of not getting hurt by me right!! i'm just saying i don't wanna create the opportunity
i don't know why i say anything i was thinking out loud out loud in words sorry it was like "oh we could do that thing nevermind we can't actually" in my head
all i do is hurt people if anyone stays around me long enough they'll get hurt sooner or later i don't LIKE it i don't want to be a weapon and it feels like im sharp edges
yet you've been in my head you know i can't touch anyone it triggers something in me & i freak out & that's it, brrr krrshhh 🔥🔥🔥🩸🩸🩸 one day you'll bump into me & then what????
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yeah i get that
i thought it was just part of being me tho
i wonder if it's like
a side effect???
idk
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it takes energy.
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i feel restless all the time tho
do u think its always on in the background
just going
brrrrrrr
maybe if ur guard is always up right
i dont mean to
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i don't know if it was like that before and i just didn't notice or thought it was normal or something.
but since i've been on my own, whenever i'm with someone, i can't stop from hearing them in my head.
it might be the same thing.
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CAN you listen to me
ive never tried it i dont think
maybe
i think im always too in my own head right
maybe im blocking it out??? like subconsciously
that probably takes energy too
im not good at the mental stuff
i mostly just cause accidents
so
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i do.
not on purpose.
most of what i do is accidents, too.
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its ok i get it
i just don't even wanna hear me
do u think it'd be easier like
if we went to kossos
i dont wanna not be me but
i get SO tired
theres gotta be a line right of if u cause too many problems
they take you anyway?
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that venator isn't trying to convince me anymore.
if he gets ahold of me, i'm going one way or the other.
[ just to be clear. ]
i don't know.
it feels like dying.
and i've worked so hard to stay alive.
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my control is just SO BAD
what if it was easier
u know?
im like a void
or a hurricane
but like i said i dont wanna not be me
& u dont get to go anywhere either
SO
what if we BOTH tag team him!!! fuckin asshole
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idk like with real weapons
set him on fire??
that's what i do
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if we run long enough, he'll get fed up and go back.
he doesn't like being out here any more than we like being chased
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thats what i've been doing
i'll run away to a new place & then everything's fine
until it's not
i'll hurt someone or blow something up
or burn something down sometimes all three
& then it's time to leave
thats why i dunno if like
if i dont go with him what's gonna happen next time
u know
if i'm a problem or a PROBLEM
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i refuse to believe everyone with furor goes to kossos or dies miserable.
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we gotta find someone who
a: has furor
b: not a worker bee
c: doesnt hate themselves enough to want to toss themselves in a well
idk if we'll find someone like that bc someone like that doesn't WANT to be found probably
i wouldnt
they're probably living a sweet life out in some ruins
eating idk
peaches
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no one wants to be alone.
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yeah
ur right
well aristotle said they practiced on each other at kossos school
but i wouldnt trust myself to do that to anyone
& ur the first friend ive had in forever so
not that i dont think ur like perfectly capable of not getting hurt by me right!!
i'm just saying i don't wanna create the opportunity
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i don't know why i say anything
i was thinking out loud
out loud in words
sorry
it was like "oh we could do that thing nevermind we can't actually" in my head
i just wanna fix it
it being me
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if anyone stays around me long enough they'll get hurt sooner or later
i don't LIKE it
i don't want to be a weapon and it feels like im sharp edges
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you've been in my head you know
i can't touch anyone
it triggers something in me & i freak out
& that's it, brrr krrshhh 🔥🔥🔥🩸🩸🩸
one day you'll bump into me & then what????
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