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[solaran]

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[solaran]

tired, mostly.
but the kind where i can't sleep.

[ so, yes, but she's always hungry, so it pushes her past hungry and into 'body wants to give up but also you're too wired to sleep' ]

[skelekinetic]

restless?
yeah i get that
i thought it was just part of being me tho
i wonder if it's like
a side effect???
idk

[solaran]

i always just thought of it like fighting.
it takes energy.

[skelekinetic]

yeah for sure
i feel restless all the time tho
do u think its always on in the background
just going
brrrrrrr

maybe if ur guard is always up right
i dont mean to

[solaran]

i haven't been able to stop listening.
i don't know if it was like that before and i just didn't notice or thought it was normal or something.
but since i've been on my own, whenever i'm with someone, i can't stop from hearing them in my head.

it might be the same thing.

[skelekinetic]

do you listen to me
CAN you listen to me
ive never tried it i dont think
maybe
i think im always too in my own head right
maybe im blocking it out??? like subconsciously
that probably takes energy too

im not good at the mental stuff
i mostly just cause accidents
so

[solaran]

i can hear you.
i do.
not on purpose.
most of what i do is accidents, too.

[skelekinetic]

im so sorry lol
its ok i get it
i just don't even wanna hear me

do u think it'd be easier like
if we went to kossos
i dont wanna not be me but
i get SO tired
theres gotta be a line right of if u cause too many problems
they take you anyway?

[solaran]

there is a line.
that venator isn't trying to convince me anymore.
if he gets ahold of me, i'm going one way or the other.

[ just to be clear. ]

i don't know.
it feels like dying.
and i've worked so hard to stay alive.

[skelekinetic]

me too
my control is just SO BAD
what if it was easier
u know?
im like a void
or a hurricane

but like i said i dont wanna not be me
& u dont get to go anywhere either
SO

what if we BOTH tag team him!!! fuckin asshole

[solaran]

if neither of us have much control, how could we plan to attack him together?

[skelekinetic]

[ can't believe you're asking darcy to have foresight about literally anything. ]

idk like with real weapons
set him on fire??
that's what i do

[solaran]

do you know how to use traditional weapons?

[skelekinetic]

fire is a weapon

[solaran]

that's a no.
if we run long enough, he'll get fed up and go back.
he doesn't like being out here any more than we like being chased

[skelekinetic]

yeah
thats what i've been doing
i'll run away to a new place & then everything's fine
until it's not
i'll hurt someone or blow something up
or burn something down sometimes all three
& then it's time to leave

thats why i dunno if like
if i dont go with him what's gonna happen next time
u know
if i'm a problem or a PROBLEM

[solaran]

there have to be other ways to control it.
i refuse to believe everyone with furor goes to kossos or dies miserable.

[skelekinetic]

so what then
we gotta find someone who
a: has furor
b: not a worker bee
c: doesnt hate themselves enough to want to toss themselves in a well

idk if we'll find someone like that bc someone like that doesn't WANT to be found probably
i wouldnt
they're probably living a sweet life out in some ruins
eating idk
peaches

[solaran]

or they're looking for others.
no one wants to be alone.

[skelekinetic]

[ that is fair. or else darcy would be, as they say, "living a sweet life in the ruins (eating peaches)."  ]

yeah
ur right
well aristotle said they practiced on each other at kossos school 
but i wouldnt trust myself to do that to anyone
& ur the first friend ive had in forever so

not that i dont think ur like perfectly capable of not getting hurt by me right!!
i'm just saying i don't wanna create the opportunity

[solaran]

then why bring it up?

[skelekinetic]

I DON'T KNOW

i don't know why i say anything
i was thinking out loud
out loud in words
sorry
it was like "oh we could do that thing nevermind we can't actually" in my head

i just wanna fix it
it being me

[solaran]

why are you so sure you need to be fixed?

[skelekinetic]

all i do is hurt people
if anyone stays around me long enough they'll get hurt sooner or later
i don't LIKE it
i don't want to be a weapon and it feels like im sharp edges

[solaran]

you haven't hurt me.