i don't know why i say anything i was thinking out loud out loud in words sorry it was like "oh we could do that thing nevermind we can't actually" in my head
all i do is hurt people if anyone stays around me long enough they'll get hurt sooner or later i don't LIKE it i don't want to be a weapon and it feels like im sharp edges
yet you've been in my head you know i can't touch anyone it triggers something in me & i freak out & that's it, brrr krrshhh 🔥🔥🔥🩸🩸🩸 one day you'll bump into me & then what????
[ it's probably not worth explaining that 'hearing surface level thoughts 24/7' is not the same as 'diving deep for traumatic past experiences' because now the traumatic past experience is in her lap anyway.
and whew it's spicy. ]
i can do what you can do maybe i'm different we don't know
i don't know not kill them right? that doesn't sound right neither does brainwashing to make u go anyway bc if they could do that they'd just do it out here prison???
what do u think or was this a leading q ive got nothing
me too maybe they try you out before getting rid of you (however) & that's why plug you in to see if you fit
if it was a lot of people you'd think we'd hear more right or know more like it'd be more likely someone could escape statistically so either there arent a lot who don't fit or something HAPPENS to them
idk maybe im right like before and they wouldn't wanna be found i guess i just thought idk if they escaped wouldnt they wanna go to the news like hey this is fucked up but most of the news is FROM kossos anyway right at least it was in the colonies anyway whatever
[ that sounds like some empire level tech business. mavis prefers it pre-industrial. she also prefers to not talk about the fact that she let that slip. ]
[ if that ain't a mood, bestie 😔 darcy already overshared enough today; they will spare mavis the pain by doing what they do best: Anxious Rambling. ]
yeah? makes sense guess the wilds are all wild i hopped around the colonies a lot they're all kind of the same, as in they're different places but every part kossos touches is the same like media & venators
i think after they get taken over they get everything from kossos. or like it all goes through kossos. im not a political expert
they were uh really heavily integrating where im from before i ran away like at first it was kind of like oh theyre just gonna set up shop & fish in our waters right whatever then u look around & its like oh you cant get anything that's like not from kossos. like they own everything, they buy out businesses and put up new ones and then its all the same food and clothes and etc
i guess im glad i left before i couldn't leave even tho it wasn't intentional
yes and no i didn't have anyone left when i left but i've seen it if you have furor venators take you to kossos "recruit" you if you don't have furor they basically use you for slave labor & if they can't use you for that then u might as well be dead
it's bad when u think accidentally killing someone might've been doing them a favor actually i didnt think of it until now doesn't feel any better tho
[ some little part of her feels better for it. a glimmer of hope. her people's traditions — the ones she remembers from her time with them — still live in her. she can pass a few of them. on. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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i don't know why i say anything
i was thinking out loud
out loud in words
sorry
it was like "oh we could do that thing nevermind we can't actually" in my head
i just wanna fix it
it being me
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if anyone stays around me long enough they'll get hurt sooner or later
i don't LIKE it
i don't want to be a weapon and it feels like im sharp edges
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you've been in my head you know
i can't touch anyone
it triggers something in me & i freak out
& that's it, brrr krrshhh 🔥🔥🔥🩸🩸🩸
one day you'll bump into me & then what????
no subject
and whew it's spicy. ]
i can do what you can do
maybe i'm different
we don't know
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maybe
i don't think i've never tried it on another person with furor
not like TRIED something i mean like
touching someone
u know what i mean
if i went to kossos i don't think they'd even want me in their hive tbh so i've got that going for me
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not kill them right? that doesn't sound right
neither does brainwashing to make u go anyway bc if they could do that they'd just do it out here
prison???
what do u think
or was this a leading q
ive got nothing
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you're right, it's a waste to bring one of us there to kill us.
i wonder how many are there.
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maybe they try you out before getting rid of you (however) & that's why
plug you in to see if you fit
if it was a lot of people you'd think we'd hear more right
or know more
like it'd be more likely someone could escape
statistically
so either there arent a lot who don't fit or something HAPPENS to them
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before i was exiled, i'd never met anyone outside my clan.
and none of them could do what we do.
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maybe im right like before and they wouldn't wanna be found
i guess i just thought idk if they escaped wouldnt they wanna go to the news like hey this is fucked up
but most of the news is FROM kossos anyway right
at least it was in the colonies
anyway whatever
you were exiled?
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[ that sounds like some empire level tech business. mavis prefers it pre-industrial. she also prefers to not talk about the fact that she let that slip. ]
no subject
yeah? makes sense
guess the wilds are all
wild
i hopped around the colonies a lot
they're all kind of the same, as in they're different places but
every part kossos touches is the same
like media
& venators
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traders from quari used to come through the wilds.
after they were conquered, no one came anymore.
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they were uh really heavily integrating where im from before i ran away like
at first it was kind of like oh theyre just gonna set up shop & fish in our waters right
whatever
then u look around & its like oh you cant get anything that's like not from kossos. like they own everything, they buy out businesses and put up new ones and then its all the same food and clothes and etc
i guess im glad i left before i couldn't leave even tho it wasn't intentional
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the ones who stayed.
do you know?
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i didn't have anyone left when i left
but i've seen it
if you have furor venators take you to kossos
"recruit" you
if you don't have furor they basically use you for slave labor
& if they can't use you for that then u might as well be dead
it's bad when u think accidentally killing someone might've been doing them a favor actually
i didnt think of it until now
doesn't feel any better tho
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if that's true, i hope the earth swallows kossos.
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[ some little part of her feels better for it. a glimmer of hope. her people's traditions — the ones she remembers from her time with them — still live in her. she can pass a few of them. on. ]